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Bad Movie Nite’s Worst Movies of 2011

Maybe it’s just us, but it seemed like there was an underwhelming number of good movies this year.  But who cares?  We’re focusing on the bad ones, and there were PLENTY of those in 2011.  Here are our Bottom 10 “Worst Movies of 2011”:.

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10.  Green Lantern

Look, I like Ryan Reynolds as much as the next guy.  He’s decently funny, pretty charming, and not too hard on the eyes, but there are just some superheroes that shouldn’t make the transition to the big screen and Green Lantern is one.  When the world surrounding the central character has to be entirely CGI, it’s time to abandon ship.  Hell, even Ryan doesn’t look like he wants to be in this movie.

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9.  Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

It’s never a good sign when you main character talks with a goofy sounding voice.  That’s usually a sign that there is nothing funny in this movie.  Then you add some fake buck-teeth to the equation and you’re really f**ked.  Nick Swardson is a funny guy.  He was the best part of Grandma’s Boy (underrated movie).  Unfortunately, Bucky Larson makes it abundantly clear that he’s not cut out to star in his own movie.  This is one of those cases where you get a lot of funny people making a painfully unfunny movie.

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8.  Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked

I didn’t even get the proper amount of time to stew in anger about the fact that they were making a third installment to this franchise because it seemed like the promotional material only surfaced the week of the films release.  Did I just call this a film?  The fact that a 3rd Chipmunks MOVIE got made is proof of one thing… Kids are dumb.  Oh, and Jason Lee, really?  What happened to you?  I understand you need to get paid, but even Vin Diesel knew when to jump the Fast and the Furious ship… then eventually come back.  Point is, have some goddamn self respect Jason!

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7.  Abduction

Remember when John Singleton used to make good movies?  Me too.  Abduction is not one of those movies.  In fact, it’s nothing more than a Bourne ripoff pandering to a younger demographic starring Taylor Lautner who couldn’t act his way out of a Keanu Reeves movie!  So the guy has a six-pack, big f**king deal!  It doesn’t change the fact that he should never act again!  If this guy is our next big action star, we’re all in trouble.

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6.  The Darkest Hour

Oh, this one is way too fresh in my mind.  In fact, you can see exactly why The Darkest Hour is on this list by reading our review of it here.

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5.  The Smurfs

F these blue little bastards.  F em right in the A.  Why is Hollywood so dead-set on raping our childhood?  You know who we have to blame for this movie?  The effing chipmunks.  This is all their fault.  I wish we could get the chipmunks and the Smurfs CHIPwrecked on some island and then drop a thousand pounds of napalm on that island.  That’s a movie I would watch.

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4.  Season of the Witch

Now, would this list be complete without featuring a Ridicolas Cage movie?  I think not.  And has anyone else noticed that the worst Nicolas Cage movies are those where he has long hair?  Think about it.  Con Air, Bangkok Dangerous, Season of the Witch, etc.  It’s eerie.  Anyway, back to the shitfest at hand.  I almost feel like this movie would’ve been watchable had Cage not been the star.  There is just something about him playing a badass knight that I don’t buy.  Maybe it’s because he’s Nicolas Cage.

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3.  Zookeeper

It was a banner year for Kevin James as he kept his track record of terrible movie choices going.  For those of you keeping score at home, James added The Dilemma and Zookeeper to his list of credits that include Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Grown Ups, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and Hitch.  Zookeeper is a new low however.  You know why?  Because James’ co-stars in the movie are talking zoo animals!  I want to find the studio executive who greenlit this movie and fill his office with zoo animal feces.

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2.  New Year’s Eve

You didn’t think this piece of crap would escape the list, did you?  When I caught Valentine’s Day on cable a few months back, I thought there was no way that Gary Marshall could sink any lower.  Then he made New Year’s Eve.  For those of you who don’t know, it’s the same f**king movie.  Same collection of good and shitty actors, clamoring at the chance to take a sniff of Marshall’s scrotum.  The trailers for this movie were groan-worthy enough.  The thought of spending my hard-earned dollars watching the whole thing is enough to make one want to put a gun in their mouth.

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And the “Worst Movie of 2011” is….

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… a tie?  What a f**king cop out!  Oh, shoot, I forgot to include Cop Out on the list.  Dammit, there are just too many bad movies sometimes.

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1.  Jack and Jill/Big Momma’s: Like Father, Like Son

I know, a tie does seem pretty lame, but hear me out.  There is a method to my madness.  See, there is a common thread between these two movies that makes them utterly terrible and therefore worthy of sharing the crown of “Worst Movie of 2011.”  That thread… Cross-dressing.  I don’t know why comedians think this is a funny bit.  It hasn’t been funny since “Bosom Buddies” in the 80’s.  And it sure as hell isn’t going to be funny in “Bosom Buddies” redux, ABC’s new comedy “Work It.”  But I digress.  Seriously though, what the hell were Martin Lawrence and Adam Sandler thinking?  Wait, I take that back.  I know what Lawrence was thinking.  He was thinking he might stand a chance to be socially relevant again, but Sandler, why do you keep breaking my heart?  It’s like you set out to make movies that are progressively less funny.  Are you playing some sort of Andy Kaufman joke on the audience?  Because if you are, it’s not funny, like everything Andy Kaufman ever did.  You know what made Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore funny movies?  Because it was Sandler being Sandler.  Not a Zohan, or any shell of your former self.  I swear to God, when I first saw the Jack and Jill posters I thought there was no possible way that was a real movie.  Sadly I was mistaken.

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Congratulations Mr. Sandler and Mr. Lawrence for headlining the two “Worst Movies of 2011.”

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Do you agree with our choices?  Did we leave anything out?  Let us know!

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One Response to “Bad Movie Nite’s Worst Movies of 2011”

  1. […] Line: You may have seen this piece of crap on our list of the “Worst Movies of 2011.” That should pretty much sum up my thoughts on this movie — FORGET […]

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