mega-shark-vs-crocosaurus-thumb-400x560-16724

Review: Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)

by Aaron Vaccaro – Head Writer

.

Best Bad Quote:

“AHHHH!” (Jaleel White running)

.

You know a movie is bad when it leaves you yearning for the days of its predecessor that just so happens to be titled, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Those of you who are regulars to Bad Movie Nite are well aware of The Asylum and what they stand for.  For those who aren’t, briefly, The Asylum, is a production company that specializes in low budget, straight-to-DVD movies that usually involve genetically modified animals fighting to the death or a blatant ripoff of a financially successful Hollywood film (Transmorphers, The Day the Earth Stopped).  They reached true cult status back in 2009, when the trailer to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, starring Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, became an internet viral sensation and deservingly so as it was hilarious and ridiculous all at the same time.

.

MS vs. GO went on to be so successful for The Asylum, that it was a foregone conclusion that there would be a sequel, hence Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.  Everything seemed to be coming into place.  We had two ginormous creatures facing off in battle, a washed up former celebrity to star (in this case TV’s Steve Urkel, Jaleel White), and a loyal fan base, including myself, brimming with anticipation.  With that kind of eagerness, I should’ve realized that disappointment was the only natural result.  With MS vs. CS, it seemed like The Asylum got downright lazy.  Well, lazier than normal.  It was as if they knew that the reputation of its predecessor would assuredly make the sequel a success as well.

.

The story of Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus is simple enough.  The Megalodon from Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus has apparently survived and is set to do battle with a giant, prehistoric crocodile that has been unearthed in Africa.  The battleground is the Southern California coastline.

.

Let’s start with the acting seeing as how The Asylum spared no expense on bringing Jaleel White up in the mix.  Hate to break it you, Jaleel, but you still totally act like Urkel but without the glasses.  You can tell at moments that he’s trying to act suave but the audience is unable to move past that nasally voice of his.  I can’t fault White’s performance in this movie too much, because he wasn’t given much to work with.  Then we have Gary Stretch, whoever that is, who plays a “croc hunter” of sorts chosen by the Navy based on his knowledge of how crocodiles operate.  He apparently has an accent, but if you wanted to tell what part of the world he was supposed to be hailing from I would be completely baffled.  Stretch’s accent goes from being Austrailian one second, to Russian the next and then crosses into French.  It’s beyond bizarre.  But even more aggravating than Stretch’s accent is the fact that he’s squinting throughout the whole movie.  Will someone please get this man some sunglasses before his face freezes like that?  And why the hell does he carry pirate guns?  That made no sense at all.  Finally, there is Sarah Lieving who plays Agent Hutchinson.  I get she’s supposed to be some C.I.A. or F.B.I. agent but from the moment she comes on screen till the credits roll, I was convinced she must be some sort of cyborg and that SkyNet must’ve gone live and she’s the one sent back in time to murder everyone.  Her performance is beyond emotionless and is frankly distracting.

.

Where do I begin with the C.G.I. in this movie?  Look, the FX were nothing to write home about in MS VS. GO, but that movie looks like Inception compared to Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.  Not only are the FX completely unpractical, using green screen to place one or both of the creatures in a place would be next to impossible for them to be, but then they have the nerve to reuse the same exact shots of the two creatures fighting on multiple occasions.  That and the creatures are 69ing for a good portion of the movie which I found a tad bit disturbing.  The one good use of the FX in the movie comes during a “Shamu” show at the local Sea World, and just as the killer whales are jumping out of the water, they are swallowed whole by the crocosaurus as a midday snack.  I don’t know why, but that particular moment made me snicker with evil delight.

.

The main problem with Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus is that it lacked action.  There was nonsensical ramblings about the scientific crap that not one person could give a flying f*#k about.  Just show the damn creatures fighting already!  Now, I know why they waited so long to show the creatures fighting… cause it looked like shit.

.

Rating:

2 out of 5 Crocosaurus Halftime Shows

.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply