expendables

Review: The Expendables (2010)

Best Bad Quote:

“Next time I deflate all your balls.”

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The Expendables is ridiculous, gratuitous, and utilizes every action movie cliché in the book.  It was exactly what I expected it to be, and I loved every minute of it.  If you are a product of the 80’s action movies that starred every actor from The Expendables, then there’s no way you couldn’t possibly enjoy the hell out of this movie.

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Barney Ross (Stallone) is the leader of “The Expendables,” a rag tag crew of mercenaries for hire.  Rounding out the crew is knife enthusiast Lee Christmas (Statham), martial arts expert Yin Yang (Li), weapons aficionado Hale Caesar (Crews), explosives guru Toll Road (Couture), and loose cannon Gunnar Jensen (Lundgren.)  During a two minute long cameo by Bruce Willis, he commissions “The Expendables” to take out the corrupt dictator of the fictitious island of Vilena.  While Barney and Christmas are scouting out the island, all hell breaks loose, forcing them to flee for their lives, but leaving their contact (who also happens to be the dictator’s daughter) behind.  After a “soul searching” heart-to-heart from Barney’s former partner (Rourke), Barney knows he must go back and save the girl from certain death by the dictator’s ruthless American business partner, and brains behind the operation, James Munroe (Eric Roberts.)

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What can I say?  This is a big, dumb, loud action movie that pulls no punches.  Just when you think you’ve seen every way to break a guy’s neck, Stallone surprises you.  Terry Crews was the most pleasant surprise of this movie.  Despite Wesley Snipes cursing to himself in his jail cell for missing out on being in this movie, Terry Crews, although no master thespian, manages to have some scene stealing moments especially during the final fight scene.  And let me tell you, that final battle, is everything you’d hoped it would be, complete with a ludicrous slow motion montage of explosive planting on every single column of the dictator’s palace.  I’m sure you can imagine the incredible finale that leads to.   The only thing missing from The Expendables was Van Damme and Seagal.  Why didn’t those guys get a call?  This movie is a bad movie fans wet dream, and since these good old fashioned action movies are few and far between these days, don’t miss seeing The Expendables on the big screen.  The dialogue is pedestrian, the acting is mediocre, and Sly looks pretty exhausted for most of the flick, but if this testosterone/steroid infused movie doesn’t have you cheering, laughing and screaming at the screen by the end, you might be dead inside.

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Rating:

4 out of 5 Vein Bulging Stallone Sprints


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