thankskilling

Review: Thankskilling (2009)

by Aaron Vaccaro – Head Writer

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Best Bad Quote:

“Nice tits, bitch.”

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By now, your Thanksgiving leftovers are probably long gone, but remnants will stay with you forever.  That’s the type of feeling you will get after watching Thankskilling, which will make you think twice about ever eating a turkey again.  Man, I wish this were the case, but in actuality, this movie is messier than your kitchen after the big feast.  It’s a good thing the running time of this movie clocks in at only sixty six minutes, because you wouldn’t need tryptophan to fall asleep during this piece of turkey droppings.  Alright, I’m done with the Thanksgiving related puns, I promise.

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You know you’re in for something special when the movie you’re watching opens with a close-up of a fake tit.  Not a “fake tit” as in a prosthetic tit, a “fake tit” as in a silicone filled jiggly gladbag.  Then when you get that fake tit attached to a pilgrim woman who has her breasts out for no apparent reason, an immediate look of confusion will assuredly creep across your face.  We fast forward to present day where our stock college kids (the jock, the slut, the nerd, the redneck, and the goodie two shoes) prepare for some Thanksgiving break shenanigans.  It’s pretty absurd as these morons treat Thanksgiving break like Spring Break instead of the way it should be treated, as a four day holiday where by the end, you’re ready to tear you fellow family member’s eyes out.  That aside, dealing with annoying relatives would have been a welcomed change from the fate that lay in store in the form of a talking, homicidal, zombie turkey.

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The turkey itself looks like something from your local pedophile’s puppet show.  Clearly, the budget of the movie didn’t go to investing in a moderately scary creature.  Hard to tell if this was a purposeful decision, but I’m going to give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt and say it was.  Either way, this movie quickly flies off the rails so it doesn’t really matter.  You have a disgruntled wife who asks for a divorce by shitting in her husband’s coffee, gravy flavored condoms, and bestiality.  That’s right, what would a low budget horror movie be without a little bestiality???  Our turkey interrupts two of the college kids banging by killing the guy and “taking over,” reaching climax and finishing up with my second favorite line of the movie, “You just got stuffed.”  This movie is not light on the turkey puns.

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This movie failed to find the balance between camp and quality.  I can tell that Thankskilling is trying to be campy but the production value is so terrible, it falls flat on its face.  No surprise that the end of the film teases a sequel, “To be continued…in space,” that never happened.  In the end, Thankskiling is too bad to be enjoyed.   The least they could have done was end the movie like it began, with some big fake titties.

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Rating:

2 out of 5 Redneck Turkey Headlocks

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4 Responses to “Review: Thankskilling (2009)”

  1. Cheri says:

    Oh man – where did you find this thing?

  2. jake says:

    this movie was funny they purposely made it funny as fuck they spent less then 5000 on it so it did its job it was supposed to be a horror movie and a comedy but there was no horror to it.

  3. […] finally got around to reviewing ThanksKilling back in December and now it appears writer/director Jordan Downey is looking to kick the sequel […]

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