bitch_slap

Review: Bitch Slap (2009)

by Aaron Vaccaro – Head Writer

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Best bad Quote:

“Lube my boob, skank twat.”

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I would say that Robert Rodriguez should be suing the filmmakers behind Bitch Slap for pretty much ripping off Sin City and Grindhouse, but that’s far more time than the man should be devoting to this piece of crap.  Okay, so it’s no secret that many movies are resorting to green screens for a good majority of their shooting schedule, which feels very appropriate for movies like Sin City, Watchmen, and 300.  But the green screen is so terribly used in Bitch Slap that it makes you wish the director had become an accountant instead.

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When three curvaceous babes, stripper Trixe, business executive Hel, and the feisty ex-con Camero, arrive at a desert hideaway to steal a stash of diamonds from an underworld kingpin, things quickly spiral out of control. Allegiances are switched, truths are revealed, criminals are unmasked and nothing is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is precariously balanced among this trio of sexy femmes fatales.

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Sounds promising enough, and the eye candy is definitely enticing enough to make you want to take a gander.  These girls are smoking hot.  God bless the costume designer on getting these three broads into the most ill-fitting, cleavage-revealing clothes they could find.  The physical aesthetics of the women’s bodies is the good part about Bitch Slap.  The bad part is their atrocious acting, especially the spitfire, Camaro (nice name by the way assholes).  Camaro makes Jennifer Lopez in Gigli feel like an Oscar worthy performance.  America Olivo, who plays Camaro, overacts her way through every single line in the movie.  So to review, good titties, bad acting.

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There are some definite blue balls inducing highlights of Bitch Slap, primarily a water fight that is almost as ridiculous as the gasoline fight in Zoolander, and a fight scene inside a trailer that quickly changes gears and becomes a lesbian sex scene for the ages.

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Aside from the three hot female leads in the movie, there’s also a Tourettes splatter punk who enjoys punches himself in the dick for some reason, and his “girl” who is a poor man’s Bai Ling (and that’s saying something) crossed with Gogo from Kill Bill: Vol. 1.  The icing on this Bitch Slap, is when by the end of the movie you realize, “Holy shit, is that Kevin Sorbo?”  Yes, yes it is.

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Bitch Slap is a really dumb attempt to poke fun at B-movies and Grindhouse movies but relies too much on featuring the “attributes” of its three leads and not enough on developing a campy, fun romp.

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Rating:

2 out of 5 Hot, Bloodied, Buxom Beauties Holding Big Guns

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2 Responses to “Review: Bitch Slap (2009)”

  1. I put this back in my Netflix after I stopped watching after 10 minutes and removed it. What a piece of shit. At least you could see the grindhouse inspiration in “Grindhouse.” “Bitch Slap” is a sub par rip-off of “Grindhouse” from someone who doesn’t seem to know much about the original source material. I’ve seen a couple of low-budget rip-offs of “Grindhouse,” but “Bitch Slap” irritated me the most. Maybe it was the green screening.

    “Black Dynamite” is a much better homage to grindhouse-type film.

    Are we giving extra points to movies that feature actors we’d really like to bang? Because sometimes I’m tempted to grade up a movie if the main characters have “attributes” that I really like.

  2. KyloDarf says:

    I wanted to watch this so bad but someone told me it’s like Cinemax late night porn so I’m saving it for my next wank lol!

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