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Review: Mega Piranha (2010)

by Bennie Arthur – twitter.com/benniearthur

Best Bad Quote:

“We got to follow the piranha right down to the river and find someone, anyone, to kill them and bomb them.  I just want to kill them all!”

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I recently had the good fortune of attending a screening of Mega Piranha at the “Boobs and Blood International Film Festival” at the New Beverly in LA and might I just say that I should have emphasized the phrase ‘good fortune.’  The director, Eric Forsberg, and actor, Paul Logan introduced the movie by saying the movie was a campy creature movie with lots of surprises.  The surprises are in fact genetically enhanced piranha that can jump into buildings, eat navy battleships, and survive nuclear blasts.

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Mega Piranha is a mockbuster produced by Asylum which of course brought us Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and just like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, this movie stars a gone but not forgotten 80s icon, Tiffany.  Well, maybe forgotten.  Tiffany plays scientist Sarah Monroe who heads up a group of scientists who are genetically engineering larger fish deep inside the Venezuelan jungle to help better feed the locals and for some bizarre reason they decide to do this on the most aggressive kind of piranha there is.  Hey guess what?  These piranhas escape and get into the local water supply.  After the piranhas eat the US ambassador along with the entire boat he was on, Jason Fitch, (Paul Logan) is called in to investigate.  The person who calls him in to investigate is non-other than Barry Williams who is the secretary of state.  That’s right.  Greg Brady is the secretary of state.  That is how awesome this movie is.  He has a character name but let’s just call him Secretary of State, Greg Brady.  So, every scene where Secretary of State, Greg Brady, is in Washington, DC, it starts off with stock footage of DC such as the capitol building or the Washington Monument and then Secretary of State, Greg Brady talking on a cell phone in an un-descript alley way.   Like, “Hey, there’s the Washington Monument and there’s the Capitol Building.  This scene must take place in DC.”

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Shortly after Jason Fitch gets to Venezuela, he meets Sarah Monroe who tells him essentially ‘whoops, we just made giant piranha that ate the ambassador’.  After convincing the Venezuelan army of the ‘Mega’ piranha, they order an air strike.  The air strike of course destroys the dam that was preventing the piranha from getting into the river.  Also, these Piranha double in size every two days and are hermaphrodites, so they can self-produce.  These fish are just going down this river towards the ocean getting larger and larger and multiplying and eating everything in it’s path including small towns. The best scene ever in cinema may be where they try to eat our hero Fitch and he fights them off by kicking them in one of the most awesomely bad CGI effects I’ve ever seen.

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They finally get to the ocean, eat a navy ship, survive a nuclear strike and head towards Miami.  What ultimately causes the demise of these ‘Mega’ Piranhas?  I’m not saying but I will say this, Paul Logan and Tiffany’s characters hook up at the end of the movie for NO reason what so ever.  There was no chemistry the entire movie, no sexual tension, NOTHING, but sure enough they hook up.  Why?  ‘Cause that’s what the hero and damsel in distress are supposed to do at the end of a monster movie.

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Overall I loved it!  It has cheesy special effects, bad acting and one of the most ridiculous plots I’ve ever seen.

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Rating:

5 out of 5 Greg Brady’s

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One Response to “Review: Mega Piranha (2010)”

  1. How did the Mega Pirhanas die? I never figured it. All of a sudden the movie was over and I was like, “Uh…”

    I will say that I had a lot more fun reading this review than I did watching the movie. I think The Asylum’s creature features are their weakest releases. Aside from one or two really campy scenes, the movies are usually just boring. Syfy just does it better on their own (sometimes).

    I would have loved to have been at that screening though. It sounds like it was awesome!

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