disorderlies

Review: Disorderlies (1987)

By James Ross – jameslikesthings.tumblr.com

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Best Bad Quote:

“Will you guys please stop ill-ing, someone’s going to get hurt.”.

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For this review I’ve decide to write an intro rap, so drop a FAT beat and read-on:

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In 1987 came the release, of a film that would top the list of the least-successful films starring fat rappers. They should have just thrown this script in the crapper.

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Now don’t get me wrong, I like The Fat Boys. Especially when the one makes the beat box noise. But making them stars of their own movie? That studio exec, must have smoked a fat doobie. They should have told him about the disparity and over-exaggerating The Boys’ popularity. The Boys’ were really just okay at rapping, but they were really quite shit-ty at acting. That didn’t stop director Michael Schultz from enacting-a plan, to make them stars. Make ‘em rich enough to buy a billion candy bars. So you better bow-down on both knees. For the king of the bad movies. To tell y’all ‘bout “Dis-order-lies.”

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Alright, now let’s get serious here. 1980’s rap stars The Fat Boys as male nurses, Orderlies if you will. How could you go wrong? I smell success, wait no that’s just Markie Dee letting one rip. Rap/Hip-Hop was a relatively new genre of music having just begun in the late 70’s. It’s early stars were the likes of The Sugarhill Gang, RUN-DMC, The Beastie Boys and The Fat Boys. One of the first films to cash-in on this new music and its’ stars was 1985’s Krush Groove also directed by Michael Schultz (Car Wash) and featuring The Fat Boys. Schultz must have seen something in those three tubs of rap to convince the studio that this film needed to be made and that he was the man to make it. Dreaming of turning the boys into a black, rapping version of The Three Stooges.

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Hollywood legend Ralph Bellamy (Trading Places) plays a frail old millionaire Albert Dennison, who is on his deathbed basically. His scheming nephew (who is in debt to some gangsters) hoping to inherit his Uncle’s fortune tries to find the worst Orderlies in the history of nursing care.

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Here come The Fat Boys (Markie, Buffy and Kool) playing the fish-out-of-water city kids transplanted to sunny Palm Beach and Dennison’s mansion. Albert’s nephew Winslow (Anthony Gary) continues to try and off his Uncle but somehow the Boys seem to inadvertently save the day. Including mixing up his prescription meds so bad they throw them all out, which only makes Dennison feel vibrant and 30 years younger. It’s a silly movie, complete with wacky cartoon sound effects when the Boys fall down, slip, slap or bump into things and when Dennison gets an old-man boner. The only thing the film is missing is a laugh track as it dares you to add your own. The Boys endear themselves to the old man and he seems to adopt them as the three fat, black sons he never had like some bizarre Diff’rent Strokes. But can The Boys foil Cool Al’s dimwitted nephew’s nefarious plan to get his Uncle’s fortune and save the old codger? My favorite part of the supporting cast is veteran character actor Tony Plana as Miguel; Winslow’s trusted associate. I particularly loved Plana in his other role, as second banana to El Guapo, as Jefe in fellow 80’s classic Three Amigos.

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There is an obligatory musical number, which normally would seem out of place except in a film starring music stars. The Boys happen upon a video camera and state-of-the-art sound system and entertainment center in the house and decide to “make a video”. “Baby, You’re A Rich Man” is fun little tune using the rap/rock mix that was popularized at the time by RUN-DMC’s collaboration with Aerosmith on “Walk This Way”. I guess I’m just a big kid because I think this film is goofy and enjoyable. It was when I was 7 and it still is today. Still a shame we never got to see The Fat Boys in space or The Fat Boys in the army.

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Rating:

3 out of 5 Old Man Boners

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One Response to “Review: Disorderlies (1987)”

  1. “The only thing the film is missing is a laugh track as it dares you to add your own.” I love that because it often does seem to me that these types of movies are just taunting you with their stupidity. “Come on,” the movie says, “An, old man getting a boner! It’s hilarious! Laugh!” And, you know, as low-brow as it is, it is hilarious.

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