police academy 6

Review: POLICE ACADEMY 6: CITY UNDER SEIGE (1989)

by Meredith Grau
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Best Bad Quote:
“Go ahead! Make my CHRISTMAS!”
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Wow! Here we are at Police Academy Sucks!!! Oh, I’m sorry… “Six.” Hemorrhoid-ian slip. It happens… So often… [Music of despair]
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Anywhoodle, this time the hodgepodge of nimrods are allegedly “Under Siege,” Steven Seagal-style. Well… Not exactly. The city is not “sieged” so much as “seizing” epileptically. This franchise will not die quietly. It’s going out pissing its pants and foaming at the mouth, by God! It really would’ve been more appropriate to entitle this sequel “Police Academy 6: City Under Water,” because everyone moves and behaves as if they are lethargically pedaling through primordial soup-goo. If you don’t like that, try “Police Academy 6: The Scooby-Doo Edition,” because just like the beloved cartoon, there is a villain masquerading as someone else who at the end of the film is indeed unmasked. Literally. Or is it “un-masqued?” Whatever, at this Feast of Fools, we are all victims. D.A.R.E. to keep your kids off these movies.
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You know the plot. You’ve seen if five times already:
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Capt. Harris (G.W. Bailey) wants Commandant Lassard’s (George Gaynes) job, as. Per. Usual. The ramshackle cops with hearts of gold do their darndest to make him look stupid at every turn, even if it means attaching balloons to his butt, all while solving the great who-dunnit mystery of the day. The caper? Somebody is leaking top secret info from within the precinct to bad dude jewel thieves, and the academy graduates gotta find out who dat be!!! I won’t spoil the end for you, because you will be riding on the edge of your seat for this one!
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On a random side note, did you ever notice while watching Scooby-Doo that it was always the brand new, unknown character who turned out to be the dastardly culprit at the end of each episode? Strange.
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The PA series really takes a dive with this one, and ‘Under Siege’ though it may be, no one is rocking a spatula or Seagal pony tail to save it from extinction. All of the characters are completely bored with the material, and the overall energy is lower than ScarJo’s panties in an elevator. I can’t actually remember anyone having real dialogue… All I can recall is a very steamy opening scene between Harris and Proctor (Lance Kinsey) when it becomes all too clear that their partnership goes beyond the professional, Vince Neil showing up for no reason, and Michael Winslow saving what little dignity there is left by both going Terminator and imitating a robot and then making sweet music with his mouth by aping Jimi Hendrix. There was a great opportunity missed when no comic-biopic followed: All Along the Hightower. Ha. Hahaha…
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Synopsis: the jokes are old, lame, and overused. The writing is bland when it’s not plain sad. Absolutely no one cares anymore, and everyone wants out, especially the audience. Why is Hollywood so mean to people? Why!? And where the f*ck is Gute, God damnit?! Oh, that’s right, he left for “bigger” and “better” things. To his credit, even The Boyfriend School puts Police Academy to shame. Is it not a bit odd that, with all this cinematic “educating,” we somehow remain a society of dunces?
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Rating:
1 out of 5 People Will Die Watching This Movie
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