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Review: POLICE ACADEMY 4 (1987)

by Meredith Grau

http://lalalandhistory.blogspot.com/

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Best Bad Quote:

“Don’t you ever touch my balls without asking!”

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We’re halfway there. “Three more films! Three more films!” Can you fathom it? I can’t. And yet, I have been living with the reality for weeks now. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol sits smack dab in the middle of this delirious franchise, which begs audiences to suspend disbelief even further than would be necessary to accept the Loch Ness monster as a reality. The existence of this film is harder to believe in than the Mothman, the Jersey Devil, or Tila Tequila, yet here it is. Again. And again. And again…

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There is no place for this comedy. It is dated. It is silent film slapstick without style and a feature length sitcom without a laugh track. It is hard to accept its heavy-handedness, because current comedians in have built their careers on spoofing such clichéd character prototypes. At least this movie has the decency to make fun of itself. Everyone involved knows that they are taking part in a useless piece of… history, and they don’t care. It’s work, ya’ know? You don’t enjoy it or find it completely interesting, but you do it because you need the money and, if you’re smart, you don’t take any of it seriously. You just jack off into the faces of everybody depending on you. Yes, Police Academy is an inside look at the deteriorating psyche of the working man.

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The premise: the gang is trying to incorporate a new program called COP – Citizens on Patrol—which will educate the public on law enforcement, while forging a relationship between the two and hopefully instigating more active public participation in crime fighting. The original “bad” cop, GW Bailey, is naturally back as Captain Harris in order to foil these foolish plans, because… Uh… Well, his motivations are never made clear. In any case, the Gute and his teammates make a fool of him as per uzh, and save the day, and bippity boppity blah.

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The good news: you get to see David Spade in an early film appearance putting his stellar skateboard skills to work. Sharon Stone is also plugged in as Mahoney’s (the Gute’s) love interest, proving yet again that in the world of Police Academy, women are nothing more than useless, rotating blondes. Her character honestly serves no purpose. She’s just there with her big ‘80s hair, probably studying the police force from on inside to better prepare for her role as the commando ice pick killer. Leslie Easterbrook also takes one for the team—or two—by revealing her magnum sized bazookas through her wet t-shirt. All of these things move the plot forward with purpose toward the big, hot air balloon finish.

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One softer note is introduced, as Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait) has a little romance with one of the citizen trainees, Corinne Bohrer, which is actually adorably absurd. Also, you will be greeted by the warm face of everyone’s favorite grandma, Billie Bird, as the gun-toting old bat who gets the job done. She will kick your ass, make no mistake!!! It’s all about patriotism and senseless fun here at the Mahoney COP Club!

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M-A-H…. H-ave fun til’ next time!  O-N-E-Y.  WhY? Because this film’s writer hates you and your unborn children. L-O-U-S-Eeeeeeeeee.

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Rating: 

2 out of 5 Blank, Blonde Stares

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