MV5BMjAyOTUzMTcxN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMjkyOTc1MDE@._V1_SX640_SY720_

Review: ROBOCOP (2014)

Let me introduce you to our newest film reviewer, Casey Nielsen. If bad movies were a fine wine, Casey would be a sommelier. But since they’re more like grape flavored sizzurp, Casey is the Lil’ Wayne of bad movies. Minus the prison record, face tattoos or platinum grill. Enjoy his review of the Robocop remake.

.

by Casey Nielsen — @luchagringo

.

Best Bad Quote:

“At least we know you’re the right color now.”

.

The new Robocop has some pretty low ratings on Rotten Tomatoes right now. I can pretty much sum this up in three words and save you a lot of reading: Haters gonna hate.

.

The first film was pretty beloved. Then the sequels came, well, they were horrible. Frank Miller couldn’t even save the sequels, having written at least some of each movie (two was rewritten and changed a lot more than his script for 3). Robocop 3: The One Where Robocop Flies and Shit was so bad it not only killed the franchise, but the career of Monster Squad director Fred Dekker as well. This makes me sad. I loved Fred Dekker’s other work. It also killed the commercial viability of cyborg ninja in cinema. How do you screw up a cyborg ninja? Seriously.

.

Years have passed. People still love the first one so much that they got pretty angry when a remake was announced, which happens whenever any remake is announced. This carries over to some of the reviews, which seem to focus on “this movie shouldn’t exist” more than the merits of the film itself.

.

But hey, I know you guys aren’t going to be dicks like that! You’re literally reading a website about movies that shouldn’t exist, so I know I can count on you guys to not be so uppity.

.

The remake deserves to exist. It’s just a different movie for a different audience. The original was pretty nuts and had blood and gore flying all over the place and Red Foreman being awesome and toxic waste dudes being exploded by cars.

.

The new Robocop is more like a superhero movie, a Robocop for people who have seen stuff like Iron Man and have a different standard of what the future of law enforcement should look like.

.

Which apparently is the ninja from Metal Gear Solid – hey, it all comes back to a cyborg ninja! Sadly, he uses a gun, not a sword, and isn’t really ninja-like outside of looking probably 90% like the iconic video game character.

.

All this is meant to appeal to kids, since it’s a movie they can actually go see on their own at the theater now. But hey, adults will find plenty to like here too – like Samuel L. Jackson doing Colbert Report style over the top political satire, or the best live action cinematic Batman (Keaton) hanging out with the best cinematic commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman). Oldman is probably the most interesting character in the film, and the one with the best story arc- he’s a kinda sorta mad scientist fighting corruption when he really wants to help people.

.

No Clarence Boddicker, but unless they got Kurtwood Smith to play him, it would have been blasphemy anyway. He couldn’t really unwind in a PG-13 version of the story anyway.

.

One thing I really admire them doing is not recreating iconic scenes from the original. They must have watched the Elm Street remake, realized how much they fucked up the scene with the CGI Freddy coming out of the wall, and had known that wasn’t a good course of action to take.

.

It’s a better movie for it. Not better than the original, but better than it would have been otherwise.

.

While I prefer the original, I wonder what seven year old me (Yeah, I was seven when I saw the first one) would have thought if I had seen this new one instead. 33 year old me had a decent time checking it out.

.

Rating:

3 out of 5 Clarence Boddickers

ku-xlarge

 

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply