q_the_winged_serpent_poster.preview

Review: Q: THE WINGED SERPENT (1982)

.
Best Bad Quote:
“I want to cry… but I’m supposed to be a man!”
.
Everything you need to know about this diamond in the rough is in the title. Q is indeed a “winged serpent,” and a hungry one at that. As Det. Shepard (David “F*cking” Carradine) points out, birds have to eat 1200 times their body weight (or something like that) to survive. In any case, imagine the damage Quetzalquotl can do when he’s got the munchies and the city of New York as his buffet. No man, woman, or construction worker is safe– particularly if they are sunbathing nude or complaining that someone stole their lunch! If there is anything that Q hates more than bad acting– and there is a splendiferous amount of it for him to feast upon here– it’s boobs (figurative) and boobies (literal). Dinner is served.
.
Along with the meaningless scenes of people playing atonal piano, doing push-ups, or taking tragically interrupted roof-top pee breaks, David Carradine boldly stays just sober enough to mumble his barely discernible lines and hypnotize you into a dreamlike state wherein the following seems possible:
.
Essentially, hungry lil’ Q goes around picking off morons like the prematurely attacking vulture he is, while Shepard and the rest of the NYPD, including Det. Powell (Richard Roundtree), try to find the serial killer who is simultaneously engaging in very ritualistic, “voluntary” murders. Bee tee dubs, he skins his victims. Buffalo Bill much? (Shame on you, Silence of the Lambs. Shame on you). Turns out, these two phenomena are not isolated. Some guy who parades around in a green, feathered suit is calculatingly sacrificing willing victims for their pure blood to bring Q back life. And he does this because… Well, I just can’t spoil that for you. Literally, I can’t. If a reason exists, I missed it. Like I said, David mumbles.
.
To add more fuel to the fire, you have the third part of this holy trinity of WTF in Jimmy Quinn (Michael Moriarty), who effs up a jewel heist, stumbles upon Q’s nest and giant egg, and pretty much acts crazy as sh*t in general. This guy comes across as a pedophiliac Mr. Rogers with severe brain damage. He’s kind of like the villain in Dirty Harry in that he’s actually just a pathetic, whiny, little bitch. Nonetheless, we are led to believe that he is a scary rageaholic who beats his girlfriend– another true thespian. (Somewhere, Sir Laurence Olivier weeps). Jimmy spends most of the time crying because his side hurts– “Ouchy!”– but he eventually decides to leverage his knowledge of Denver the last Dinosaur’s home base in order to get himself off the hook for his own erstwhile criminal activities. He also uses Q to kill off his enemies in the interim. Crazy Jimmy thinks his bond with Q is his chance to “be somebody.” All people named “Jimmy” should know that this is not possible, but hey, even William “She Bang” Hung had dreams.
.
There is some impressive, aerial camera work going on here, and when violence is happening, everything is gravy. Q has even more star power than the Lizard King, Jim Morrison, and if there were Q action figures, I would buy one– if only because proceeds would surely go to charities helping all the Jimmies out there. However, it’s the flaws that make this film truly spectacular: stale scenes that linger for no reason, acting as sleepwalking, and a bunch of nonsense that we’re supposed to accept as “story.” The climax of the film is David C’s mocking Q impression: “Macaw!” Until then, I honestly thought that he was dead and that the whole movie was a total, Lynch-ian mind-eff. The switch on a switch nearly gave me a heart attack!
.
The true genius of the film, however, is that it makes you question your own civility. At the film’s end, while justice has been served, the natural law has also been violated. Meat-eating humans– and there is a lot of meat for you to look at in order to absorb this symmetry– have destroyed another being purely for his own carnivorous lifestyle. In the immortal words of Shakespeare, “What fools these mortals be.” The hypocrisy… It haunts you. By (Mesoamerican) Gods, will we ever learn?
.
Rating:
 
4 out of 5 Carradine Macaws!
QTheWingedSerpent QTheWingedSerpent QTheWingedSerpent QTheWingedSerpent
.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply