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Review: RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOES (1988)

by Jim Petrosino — cyber5.wordpress.com

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Best Bad Quote:

“I speak perfect English. I also cook 815 international dishes, perform 637 sexual acts, use all the popular home appliances. Shall I cook you something?”

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It isn’t George Clooney’s first Big-screen appearance, it’s his second. That alone makes this movie worth firing up your Honda quad runner in search of it.

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An evil scientist, Professor Gangreen, is out to rule the world. His weapon of choice is tomato-men. His plan is to create an army of muscle-bound commandos out of tomatoes; using a dazzling array of science toys, some toxic waste, and a jukebox. Even though tomatoes have been outlawed for decades, they are available on the black market (natural food stores). That makes it plausible for an evil scientist’s henchman, Igor, to get his hands on some when they need them.

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While the evil scientist toils away in the laboratory, guarded by machine-gun toting tomato-men, life goes on as usual in San Diego. Chad and Matt work at the local pizza place. Matt(George Clooney) tosses the dough and creates pizza wonderment, sans tomatoes, while Chad delivers them on his scooter. On one delivery, Chad meets Tara, the professor’s beach-bodied, doe-eyed assistant and falls in love.

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Tara soon runs away from the scientist, to the safety of the pizza joint, with her little brother FT in tow. Igor is dispatched to bring her back and heads out in the KIGR News Van to track her down. The chase is on!

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It is soon learned that the world is in danger and battles ensue, complete with ninjas and gunslingers. Reinforcements must be called in! Parachute-clad Tomato-War Veterans, government agents in disguise, and SCUBA divers are brought in to save the world from impending tomato-man doom.

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Unfortunately, movies are expensive to make, but Matt has a plan…and he’s years ahead of Wayne and Garth in pulling it off.

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Track this movie down on DVD to see how it all plays out. Make sure you brush up on The Rules before settling in for this fun-filled flick. The “behind-the-scenes” of The Special Effect, which happens in-movie, is worth the rental. Don’t eject the disc before the credits roll, either!

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Rating:

4 out of 5 Milk Bottles and a Tuning Fork

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